Moving.

3 09 2010

On September 1, as did many students in the fair city of Boston, I moved. In particular, I moved from Beacon Hill to Jamaica Plain. Side note: I was going to link those neighborhoods to their PRIZM results, but surprisingly, they contained the exact same segments. Who knew? For those who are unfamiliar with PRIZM segmentation, click on the link I just gave you, click on “Zip Code Look Up,” and put in your current or hometown zip code–it can be pretty interesting.

Anyway. That was all pretty boring. Sorry. What I really came here to do was write the following lists. These may or may not be less boring. Either way, NOT MY PROBLEM, I just don’t feel like unpacking.

THINGS I WILL NOT MISS ABOUT MY OLD APARTMENT

  1. Walking up three flights of stairs to get to it.
  2. Paying way more than it’s worth to live there.
  3. Being 123910893 degrees hot in the summer, since it is so high up.
  4. The constant, inane whirring of the ventilation system of the building next door, since its roof was right outside my bedroom window.
  5. Not having blinds on my bedroom window.
  6. How it constantly looked, seemed, and felt disgusting, no matter how well it was cleaned.
  7. The floors being so uneven that it was impossible to sit at the kitchen table without sliding towards the door.
  8. The kitchen being so small that you couldn’t sit at the kitchen table unless no one had any intention of doing anything else in the kitchen.
  9. Having less than 1 sq. foot of counter space.
  10. Having to wash dishes by hand.
  11. How the fridge was tiny and its door was on the wrong side.
  12. Having to leave the building and walk up a steep hill to do laundry.
  13. It being so tiny and cramped that at any given time, I knew exactly. What my roommates. Were doing.
  14. The way the carpet was the color of cigarette ashes mixed with feces.
  15. The way the carpet felt like a mixture of cigarette ashes mixed with feces.
  16. The way the carpet smelled like a mixture of cigarette ashes mixed with feces.

I could continue, but I suppose that’s good for now. Now for…

THINGS I WILL MISS ABOUT MY OLD APARTMENT

  1. How close it was to the red line and the green line.
  2. How close it was to campus.
  3. How close it was to the best pizza in the world.

Aaaand. Uhhhhh. Nope, that’s it.

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“Dear Jenny,” by Genya Turovskaya

23 04 2010

Dear Jenny, I feel I am growing smaller,
the map on my lap is the world not the map of the world
and the steering wheel is one of those rings that are thrown
to the drowning to save them,

Jenny,

read the rest here.





unf wao

2 03 2010

We watched this gem in my consumer behavior class today. It’s a delightful rebuttal to the Dodge Super Bowl commercial I made fun of in my previous post.





REASONS WHY YOUR FAVORITE SUPER BOWL COMMERCIALS SUCKED

11 02 2010

Featuring my best friend, Caps Lock.

IF I WERE SADDLED WITH THE RESPONSIBILITY OF FREEING AN ORCA WHALE IN THE MIDST OF MY BACHELOR PARTY, I WOULD BE ENRAGED!!!!!!!!!!

TALKING BABIES, IF THEY EVEN EVER WERE FUNNY, STOPPED BEING FUNNY AFTER WATCHING 93 MINUTES OF THEM IN LOOK WHO’S TALKING.

SORRY TO SAY, IF THERE REALLY WERE SUCH A FERVENT AND LARGE MOB OF BEER LOVERS, THEY WOULD HAVE JUST ROLLED THAT TRUCK AND ENJOYED A TON OF FREE BEER.

THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT THIS COMMERCIAL IS ITS USE OF Boléro AS THE BACKGROUND MUSIC, WHICH HAS PREVIOUSLY BEEN FEATURED IN SUCH COMMENDABLE TV SHOWS AS KENNY VS. SPENNY AND DIGIMON.

“O WAO!! IT’S SOOO HARD BEING A MAN WITH RESPONSIBILITIES!! I’M SO REPRESSED, I GUESS I’LL BUY THIS DODGE!! HOPE I DON’T GET A SPEEDING TICKET WHILE CRUISIN TO THE NICKELBACK STATION ON THE SIRIUS SATELLITE RADIO I’M GIVING MYSELF FOR FATHERZ DAY!!!”

I WOULD GO ON, BUT THIS POST WAS OBSOLETE BEFORE I EVEN STARTED WRITING.

If you must know, these are the only super bowl ads from this year that you are allowed to like:





28 08 2009





SONGS THAT HAVE RUINED MY SUMMER

17 08 2009

I get to choose what radio station I listen to at work.  YAY?!?!  Except for how the radio they have only gets like 5 stations, and no matter which I choose, at least one of these songs always follows me.

I mean, I can deal with hearing a shitty song played over and over again.  But these songs are just TOO SHITTY.

  1. Matisyahu — One Day.  I don’t know what to tell you. THIS SONG FILLS ME WITH INEXPLICABLE RAGE.
  2. Kings of Leon — Use Somebody.  The problem here is that I actually like the first 30 seconds of the song.  BUT THEN I REMEMBER THAT IT’S KINGS OF LEON AND IT SUCKS.
  3. Shinedown — Second Chance.  IS THIS A SONG????????? LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!!!!
  4. Kelly Clarkson — I Do Not Hook Up.  Because it’s not the original version by Katy Perry.  AND THUS A WASTE OF MY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!1




I LIKE THIS!!1

6 08 2009

From Richard Brautigan’s novella Trout Fishing in America:

You’re supposed to make only two quarts of Kool-Aid from a package, but he always made a gallon, so his Kool-Aid was a mere shadow of its desired potency.  And you’re supposed to add a cup of sugar to every package of Kool-Aid, but he never put any sugar in his Kool-Aid because there wasn’t any sugar to put in it.

He created his own Kool-Aid reality and was able to illuminate himself by it.

In semi-related news, who knew?